AND SUDDENLY – But not unexpectedly!

Well, after a hectic few days of socializing, by my standards at least (the actual socializing occupying no more than a few hours spread over four days), the inevitable happened. Come Wednesday:  the CRASH, totally SHATTERED; by 3.00pm, having struggled even in resting, muscular aches and pains and sundry other discomforts meant I was unable to keep an appointment at the building society, fortunately nothing requiring too urgent attention.


There are times when ones body just calls “ENOUGH” and, I am now wise enough to take heed! At least I’d had the satisfaction of socializing, in a modest way, that even one year ago was beyond my wildest imaginings. An earlier process of one step forward two steps back has recently been replaced by two steps forward one step back. Not that I’m going to push too hard for the advance but, I have learned to be grateful to be able to manage activities on a somewhat lower plateau than was the pre-illness case.


The current plateau is of much greater altitude than the barren valley bottom to which I had been confined for the previous few years.


By Friday, the sense of shatteredness was easing but, a few hours waiting for a ‘phone call regarding an imminent delivery of a bathroom suite at a neighbouring property, stress levels grew increasingly high. The fact of WAITING seems to utilize all my powers of concentration, so much so that I am unable to settle down to web-browsing, magazine browsing and, only with difficulty eating. Waiting is an activity that seems to sap the very soul!


By the evening, wrists, elbows, hips and knees are all painfully aching; relaxation proves difficult though, being the brave soul that I am, manage to settle myself in front of the telly and catch up on some VHS recordings. The left ear feels as if it’s full of sloshing water, during a little walk to the kitchen my right leg collapses under the impact of shooting pains from knee to hip, calf to thigh and a numbing (albeit temporary) burning around the knee joint. At least with these sensations I am reassured that I am alive.


A night of fitful discomfited sleep leaves me feeling more exhausted, by 10.00am, than had been the case when I collapsed into bed at 10.30pm last evening. I decide to make the effort to attend a neighbourhood coffee morning with my beloved, a mere few hundred yards trek from home. By the time we arrive at the destination, I’m feeling rather zombified but still manage to exchange a few platitudes with a few of the select assembly.


Aching and weary, I am still able to rejoice in how much I’ve been able to accomplish this past week; my spirit is positive no matter how much the body resists such a high calling!

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3 Responses to AND SUDDENLY – But not unexpectedly!

  1. Danelle says:

    I am super proud of you Malcolm!  I remember too, when you said last year that socialising would be improbable. And look at you go! You are a total inspiration.  I wish I could take the pain away though.Thinking of you all D x

  2. Bittersweet on-the-hill. says:

    Get better soon.  An invaluable read.  I want to hear more about the gardens and pond!  Bittersweet

  3. Renuka says:

    What can I say Malcolm,
    So much pain and such positive attitude, take care and rest…You are so brave, there is so much to learn from you…wishing you strength, courage and peace…I hope you are feeling better now…thereis so much love in your heart and you are so creative, I feel proud and happy to have known you…

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