Restlessness seems to be my omnipresent companion; one becomes exhausted and frustrated by the inability to concentrate (on any particular task), the more exhausted one becomes, a sense of restlessness grows in response to the accompanying frustration! This morning, after a no less than usual restless night, I unravelled myself from the duvet realm at a somewhat earlier hour, full of promises to myself that today I would be a human-doing as well as an almost human-being.
Managed to take a shower, under my beloved’s supervision, at an hour when I would normally have been abed enjoying spasmodic bouts of slumber. Having showered, I immediately set about the task of getting dressed without an intervening period of rest. This is progress; unfortunately, it was all too swiftly followed by a session of mind-drifting hollowness.
I received a ‘phone call mid-morning, cancelling my early afternoon appointment at the Chronic Fatigue Unit, owing to my therapist being off work. Much to my surprise, I actually felt a sense of disappointment at not having the appointment to look forward to; that certainly is a sign of progress as, for far too long, I have had a sense of trepidation about both making and keeping appointments. Perhaps the more gregarious side of my nature will soon be restored to a goodly portion of its pre-incapacity presence.
Slow-paced walks are becoming a regular part of my routine and, hopefully, I will soon be able to break the boom & bust cycle and find a comfortable plateau of non kick-back activity. At least four or five times per week, I manage a twenty to thirty minute leisurely perambulation.
Yesterday’s walk was peremptorily interrupted, as I stumbled upon a genuine Hi-Fi outlet in close proximity to home. Many years ago I was enthralled by the wondrous world of Hi-Fi until force of circumstance insisted on downgrading my Hi-Fi system and aspirations. On entering this mini-emporium of top-end gear, the sounds, emanating from the demonstration equipment, all too swiftly seduced me and, I became willingly cocooned in their voluptuous yet subtly modulated tones. I instantly sensed a restoration of my ability to enthuse as I chatted to the knowledgeable proprietor of this establishment.
TEMPTATION; now, is that something to be avoided or to be encouraged; the spirit may be willing but, methinks my purse and dwelling space may both prove far too weak! A sense of guilt casts a rather strong shadow as I place this temporary ‘desire’ into the context of a needy and suffering world.
I give thanks for all that I have and am; I will try to rejoice in this day the Lord has made.