Night Manoeuvres

Subconscious Yogic Semaphore


First step: ensure that you are tired and ready for sleep. Extend left lower limb across limbs of recumbent partner.


Second Step: When cramp sets in left lower limb; swing limb sharply over and fully extend; allow a groan to be emitted along with sharp exhalation of breath. Press left foot hard on top of right foot.


Third Step: Roll over onto right hand side and extend left arm over edge of bed.


Fourth Step: Retrieve left arm and, roll onto back.


Fifth Step:  Once lying on back becomes uncomfortable; try rolling onto left side. Extend right arm around partner’s tummy and left arm over top of the headboard.


Sixth step: Bring left arm down to clasp left thigh.


Seventh step: When previous position becomes uncomfortable, roll over onto back once more and place left hand on right shoulder. Bring right arm up, elbow bent, place forearm across top of head.


Eighth step: Move right leg towards edge of bed and, allow lower leg to hinge over the edge. Clasp hands behind head whilst uttering a low moan.


Ninth Step: Lie back, arms outstretched cruciform fashion; mutter to oneself (in amazement) about partner’s ability to sleep throughout all this rigorous routine.


Various permutations of the above routine may be performed, at intervals, during the next couple of hours dependent on:

i)                   a continued inability to sleep

ii)                whichever limb or torso part may feel uncomfortable.

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